"Vulnerability is the one true measure of courage"

The brown blanket

For decades, this memory has haunted me: the scary, brown, fuzzy blanket! The brown blanket drowned out the warm sunshine and light that seeped through the corners and fabric. This light I now know was the Light of the World. 

When I entered the room, the heavy darkness hit me instantly. And I could feel the rush of terrible emotions spiraling in my mind. I don't remember exactly what happened to me that day; however, the dread was seared in my mind.  That must have been the day my mind was fractured. 

It was a sunny summer day in Miami, Florida, that felt like any other day. Daycare, unfortunately, was a respite for me. It had been part of my life since the beginning of my tumultuous childhood. , it offered fun, rest, a cooked meal, and connection. It certainly beat being at home alone like I was during the school year! You see, I was a latchkey kid. Most days after school, I came home to an empty house. A house that, for the most part, was not safe or peaceful for me. My mother, Martha, was not around much, emotionally or physically. Her primary purpose was to provide a home and provisions for us to survive. Unfortunately, it was a role that she had to be burdened with alone. Mom was unaware that the same predator that seduced her when she was 16 was also a predator in her home abusing me. 

That summer day marked me forever. We were playing... Andrea, my younger sister, was little, and we were carefree. In daycare, there were no dishes to be washed, no messes to clean up, and I was not looking after Andrea. That's why I was so disappointed when Dad came to pick me up for a doctor's appointment. Walking through the hallway towards the lobby, I could feel the sunlight coming through the big windows. As I looked up, dread began to come in waves. Nobody warned me; I had a doctor's appointment! I could feel my heartbeat elevating as my blood rushed through my head. The wave of heat made my face light up as if I had a sunburn! A sense of dread took over; waves of fear and visions of running flooded my mind! But I couldn't. As a 9-year-old, where would I go? I couldn't fight or argue. I did not want to get in trouble; I just got in the car. The car ride eludes me; I remember the warm Miami sun and the hot sensation on the back of my thighs, burning my skin. My next memory is of opening a door and seeing the brown blanket in my parents' room. 

Flashbacks of the brown blanket with dust particles, flying as the sun's light seeped through the darkness,  have haunted me for decades. Only now, at 50 years old, my Jubilee, am I able to vocalize the unspeakable, shockingly evil, vile acts committed to me in that room. Things that, generationally speaking, occurred in my father's bloodline. Yet, through my mother's encounter with Jesus, Yeshua, His Hebrew name, when I was 12 years old, I can shout from the top of my lungs that the warm sun, a constant in my memories, is the Light of The World. He has been with me from the earth's foundation. He has been with me, leading me into a VICTORIOUS life. 

My name is Victoria Ezpeleta-Lucas, and I am OVERCOMER by The Blood of the Lamb and The word of my testimony. 

As a survivor of sexual abuse and incest, the divine determination and tenacity placed in my soul and encounters with my Messiah have REDEEMED my entire bloodline. Now, 43 years later, that memory no longer haunts me.